I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
whose parrot is this?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
