Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
