I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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