i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
