Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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