I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize