i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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