omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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