Will you blow on my dice?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
