dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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