Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
