this beer tastes like vomit already
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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