If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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