We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
