You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize