I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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