$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
