Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
