Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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