Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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