Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
