He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
