our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
