the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All I want is dick and wine.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
