It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
