New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
