You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
