So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
