it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
