just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
