1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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