just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
