Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
