I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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