Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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