Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
