and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
