I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
