Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I AM VODKA MAN
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
