Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
