i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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