Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
