What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
