OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
