Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
