you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
