My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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