Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize