Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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