I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
