so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
