if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize