YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
