She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
