it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They should really pass out barf bags in church
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
