were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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