when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
