I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
