I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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