So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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