He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
