Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
