is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
