being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
