Apparently you make a good broom.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize