Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
