All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
