I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
