mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
