as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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