So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
