Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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